well its time for you to endure some more shit..had to speak out,had no other means to contain the depression that has welled up inside me..be it the stupid exams that force u 2 study crap stuff all night or sadistic instructors intent on grading u below your expected level:its the academic scenario that has got me in a fix now..
parents waiting at home to receive a supposedly 10p son,who on the otherhand is currently waging a battle to become a 8.5p..a tragic scenario that is enacted in evry students college life...it seems that the very aim of our college life has become the accumulation of grades-cause the learning quotient is 0..and its not only me,its the same in every persons life! we had ghoted our asses off for the last 2 years just to secure a seat in a good college under the assurance that once u get in there,its no more ghoting...well here i am,in one of the so-called premier instituitions of the country having to fret over a 1.1f variable! but ya,students have no right to enjoy life,so dump all the stupidest shit on them and justify it as education! thats what it is...but i have wailed a lot on this topic,no point doing it again...
going on to an entirely different topic...a personal introspection i might call it..many people say i am very mature for my age..i'd like to contest that.. recently through a spate of occurrences in which i have hurt my most dear one(s) i have come to the conclusion that i am not what people think i am..i am still the irresponsible kid that i was 10 years ago,having no forecast of what the consequences of his actions may be...i am still the dreamer who foregoes the practical and real life in favour of his dreamland,where everything goes according to his own will...who likes people when they speak accordingly,and calls them abnormal when they get practical...this is the real ME...an abhorrent picture of ignorance..trying to get practical now might do some good but wont undo the hurt that i have inflicted on my loved ones through my actions...
recently these self-introspections and some other incidents have forced upon me this great feeling of depression and dissatisfaction at myself....its so vast that in times of isolation i try to sedate myself by just looking at the stars and at the endless sky....i suspect that i am going insane because my mind has never housed a greater number of worries and i dont even understand what i should do with them...but losing hope is not what i love to do,so i am still there fighting to get back on track...
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